Don't Be That Guy

By Meggie Gates on July 22, 2015

Three months out of the year, God rewards our hard work with a season to top all seasons: summer. With summer coming in hot, new opportunities have once again arisen to give meaning to our hectic lives. Everything from swimming, seasonal flings, short skirts, and no school are celebrated during these next three months in excess, creating the perfect time for memories and mistakes.

However, summer, like an exquisite white blouse, is hard to remain clean from unwanted stains. If chosen to be, one of these stains is manifested in every rich suburban kid’s favorite summer hobby: music festivals. Generally, festivals can be a great thing, but the recent population to storm the scene in droves has been primarily compromised of assholes and girls so basic they make tap water look good. If you find you are in one of these sects, I am here to help you stop being the butt of everyone else’s jokes.

The first thing that needs to go is the Indian headdress. This should be obvious by now, considering the amount of backlash they have been receiving, but just yesterday as I was creeping through someone’s Facebook I found that this is still an ongoing trend. To put it in layman’s terms, I will quote the most influential girl pop group of all time, the Spice girls: “Stop.”

Do I even need to go in to why this is bad? You are appropriating a culture that has seen so much oppression and ridicule from upper middle class white people since Christopher Columbus planted his self-righteous ass in America. Knowing this, how could you ever feel comfortable actively walking around on soil that does not belong to you wearing a headdress that symbolizes the strength of those victorious over colonialism and attempted genocide? It’s insulting and should not even be considered a fashion statement.

Following this trend are many others that are categorized as “festival wear” by those who do not actually care about the intended purpose of said festival. The people filed in to the “festival wear” group are generally there to see bands they don’t know and treat the event as a fashion show, instead of appreciating the colorful array of art, music, food, and friends that cover every square inch of space. These generally, but do not always, include flower crowns, skirts, dresses, and nice shoes.

Make sure to check your closet, because your basic white girl is showing. Dresses and skirts are a very bold choice due to the fact there is a 50/50 chance you will end up on the ground/air/upside down and people will see your panties. Why spend $200 on Free People clothes if you’re just going to spill alcohol on it or end up in the dirt? They’re not going to make it out alive. Save your money and party like a true American, unkempt and carefree.

Guys are not subject to avoiding the “people I can’t stand at music festivals” radar. Being larger and more prone to violence than us ladies, a large portion of creating a safe environment lands on your shoulders. This includes, but is not limited to, behavior at bands, unnecessary cat calling, and being an all around drunken fool. I understand how fun mosh pits are, but no matter the genre of music, it’s not cool to be “that guy” that kicks a girl in the face at Danny Brown.

Be respectful of the people around you, never wear a “suns out guns out” shirt, and always remember to be a gentleman. No girl wants to be on either drugs or alcohol in a foreign place and have to deal with some weird guy trying to hook up with them.

My biggest piece of advice for everyone is to go there with the same intended purpose: to enjoy the music and the atmosphere. You, or your parents, spent almost $400 on a ticket to a festival so you could make great memories devoting time to something you love. If you stop being so self involved and worried about how you look, you might have a greater time than you originally expected.

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