Pardon My Rant

By Emma Pampanin on October 17, 2012

I recently caught sight of a mildly tense exchange while sitting at a gate, waiting to board an airplane. I do not know what happened prior to this, but as one man in my section got up and started to walk past me, another man directly to my left turned to his wife and said “that guy’s a jerk” somewhat loudly and defiantly. “You’re the jerk, asshole” the man standing replied, and the repartee was concluded with an exchange of “birds.” In the moments that followed, many glances were exchanged amongst those within earshot of the event, and everyone in the aisle (myself included) started to become more focused than necessary on these two men, taking mental notes about where they were in line. They were in the same boarding zone. Would the altercation climb? Are fists being drawn? What if they have weapons…what if that guy is in the mafia…That suitcase looks like its filled with blood money and I think I saw this on an episode of Homeland. GOOD GOD AM I SAFE ON THIS PLANE? Yes, nothing else happened.  The two men had each said their piece and boarded calmly.

As I walked down the bridge to the plane I heard a woman behind me mutter to her friend about how rude and childish they were. “If you don’t have something nice to say, don’t say anything at all,” she recited. Ah yes, one of the first mantras that I would learn in life, right behind “say ‘please’ and ‘thank you’” and the Pledge of Allegiance. God forbid I don’t put my right hand on my heart every morning or ask for something without explicitly stating that I am making a request and not a demand. Being too polite has become a condition. Now, we are allergic to confrontation and addicted to manners.

I would like to make myself clear here and say that I am not vying against courtesy. Saying “please,” “thank you,” and “you’re welcome” to someone is a nice gesture when you mean it. They lose their significance, however, when they are sputtered out compulsively before and after every sentence or mild interaction. Let me paint you a picture. Imagine someone sitting on a full bus standing and offering their seat to someone who may be older, have a lot to carry, or simply looks worn out. A sincere “thank you” with direct eye contact from one person to the other would certainly be justified in the exchange. The person who was offered the seat would, presumably, actually be thankful for the chance to rest. The person who gave up their seat would enjoy a moment of that genuinely warming feeling that you get when you do something nice for a stranger, especially when you can sense their sincere gratitude. Now, think about that bus arriving at a stop where 40% of the passengers begin to exit, and each and every one of them spits out a quick “thank you” to the bus driver as they pass him on their way out. They do so for no other reason than that they feel compelled to, maybe just because the do-gooder who began the mass-exit-train did so (“well now I am rude for not thanking this guy, too” thinks everyone behind him on the bus). To each quick and careless expression of thanks, the bus driver has nothing to do but nod because no one is making eye contact with him or even waiting for a response. They are saying it for their own sake and it all started in first grade when it was drilled into their heads. They insert a “thank you” into every context that could possibly require one because apparently we are all still competing for teacher’s gold stars. Because we learned then that the rules of the world were that you ALWAYS say “thank you” and public displays of even mild anger are SEVERELY reprehensible.

Everyone needs to grow up and get off their polite, mild-mannered high horses. If two men want to display some authentic human anger in the airport, I say more power to them. They are far more real than the woman walking down the tarmac, distressed because she heard the world “jerk” 20 minutes ago.

…By the way, she thanked the flight attendant at the entrance of the plane for doing nothing but standing there.

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